THE ART OF STAYING SQUARE AND OUT OF TROUBLE

Switzerland’s flag is basically the peak of minimalist design - sleek, square, and effortlessly stylish. While other countries went wild with complicated patterns that could win an embroidery contest, Switzerland kept it simple: red background, white cross, no unnecessary fluff. It’s the flag equivalent of an espresso - unapologetically strong, practical, and secretly judging anyone who adds cream.

But the Swiss flag nearly took a tragic fashion turn in 1798 when Napoleon decided Switzerland's emblem needed a makeover in the shape of a flashy tricolour (green, red, yellow). However, Swiss sensibilities balked at the chaos of so many colours, and the tricolour was thrown out. The franc stayed, proving that Swiss pragmatism values money over questionable aesthetics.

Some claim the square and uniform shape of the cross stands for neutrality, democracy and freedom (essentially Switzerland's version of the French "Liberté, Égalité, Fraternité"), and that the four arms of the cross symbolise the four different but united national languages.

Sounds poetic, but also... completely made up. In modern terms? Fake news.

The true origins of the Swiss cross go back to medieval warfare, where Swiss troops sewed white crosses onto their armour to avoid stabbing their own comrades. This was tactical brilliance because nothing ruins a battle faster than accidentally skewering your teammate. The cross’s meaning remains somewhat mysterious, with theories ranging from Roman Empire aesthetics to religious symbolism, but let's be real - it was most likely chosen for its symmetrical, no-nonsense aesthetic.

Unlike flags that wave around all rectangular and reckless, the Swiss flag remained square for centuries - mostly because medieval war banners were square, and Swiss tradition is harder to break than a bank vault in Zurich. However, it wasn’t until 2017 that Switzerland finally issued strict proportions, ensuring the flag’s perfect squareness was officially locked down. If anyone wanted tweak it, it's definitely too late now.

Now, there are two notable exceptions:

If you encounter a ship flying a Swiss flag on the high seas, you'll notice that the pennant is rectangular. This isn't maritime rebellion; it's just international standards. And before you ask: yes, despite being a landlocked country, Switzerland does have a merchant fleet that operates on the high seas!

The second exception concerns the Olympic Games: The International Olympic Committee, based in Lausanne, has decided that since the 2004 Games in Athens, all flags of the participating countries must have the same rectangular format. This is to ensure that no flag stands out, which would contradict the Olympic spirit of equality and respect between nations.

Let’s just quietly point out here that an exception is made for Nepal, though not for Switzerland. It would seem that Switzerland sometimes isn't quite neutral enough to bend the rules.

And speaking of neutrality, Switzerland didn't exactly wake up one morning and decide to be neutral. No, neutrality was more like an accidental life choice.

Napoleon, being the micromanager he was, didn't just try to impose a new flag on the country. Oh no, he was much more invested in his neighbour. So much so that he simply marched in, scrapped the old messy Confederation, and rebranded it as the "Helvetic Republic", modelled after France. The Swiss weren't thrilled. Rebellions ensued. Chaos reigned. Napoleon, realising his grand Swiss makeover was flopping, backtracked five years later and restored some of Switzerland's independence while keeping it conveniently under French control.

When he eventually fell from power, Europe's victorious nations gathered in 1815 at the Congress of Vienna, to reshuffle territories like a geopolitical game of musical chairs. Switzerland, freed from Napoleon's grip, faced a dilemma: Picking a side meant getting dragged into conflicts, and Switzerland preferred watching the drama unfold from a safe distance. So neutrality wasn't a heartfelt lifestyle choice - it was a survival strategy.

Over the decades, Swiss neutrality evolved from self-preservation into an elite service. Need a discreet diplomatic mediator? Switzerland’s got you. Want a neutral location for top-secret negotiations? Switzerland's your guy.

200 years on, neutrality is still debated. What does “neutral” even mean in modern times? Some advocate for “active neutrality,” sparking discussions as passionate as Swiss arguments over the correct way to stir fondue. But whether by accident or strategy, Switzerland turned neutrality into a full-time job - and somehow, it’s still working.

Switzerland’s flag is square, its neutrality is legendary, and its ability to avoid drama is almost suspicious - but hey, that’s just good branding.