THE FINGER-LICKIN' GOOD CHRISTMAS

The KFC near our house has finally re-opened after months of refurbishment. I haven’t stepped inside yet, but peeking through the door I spotted the shiny new self-ordering machines, which are on the rise wherever you look. Because nothing says ‘holiday cheer’ quite like tapping a screen to beg for fried chicken while a robot silently judges your choices.

But with staff shortages and rising cost, it’s the world we live in. You want chicken? You better learn to negotiate with a touchscreen.

And of course, the timing of this grand re-opening is no accident. In Japan, Christmas doesn’t mean fireplaces, stockings, or mistletoe. It means… KFC. If you’re wondering why, find out here .

KFC makes up to 10% of its annual revenue in just those few festive days. Forget Santa’s sleigh – the real holiday traffic jam is at the drive-thru.

So, it would seem to make sense to re-open a store at the beginning of December, ready to take pre-orders, which, by the way, start in early November! Back then, when I still think it's autumn, Japan has already locked in its Christmas chicken logistics.

Japan's relationship with Christmas is... well... creative. When I moved here in 1996, I knew better than to expect the serene Swiss-style Christmas I grew up with. Or the magical UK Christmas I once experienced, complete with carol singers, fairy lights, and Christmas pudding.

In fact, in the small city where I lived back then – 230 km away from Tokyo, Christmas was basically non-existent. Except for KFC’s Colonel Sander dressed up as Santa Claus, and a mysterious thing called ‘Christmas Cake.’

For the uninitiated, Japanese Christmas cake is a sponge layered with strawberries and whipped cream. It’s red and white, symbolising snow and the Japanese flag. It’s a centrepiece for Christmas Eve gatherings, often eaten with… you guessed it –  fried chicken.

I adapted as best I could. As long as I had music, food, and a small tree (plastic, but emotionally supportive), I was fine. The catch? My wife had to work on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day. Because in Japan, Christmas is not a holiday. Imagine trying to hum 'Silent Night' while your spouse is stuck in the office.

When we later moved to Tokyo in 2001 and I started working for a company again, the full absurdity hit me. Christmas arrived… and everyone simply kept working. Meetings. Emails. Deadlines. Me internally screaming.

I tried taking paid holidays, but my wife’s company wasn’t as generous. So I’d sit at home, waiting for her to return, clutching my lonely glass of mulled wine like a Dickensian orphan.

Eventually, I surrendered and just worked too. Because if the entire office is discussing budget spreadsheets, it’s extremely difficult to feel the Christmas spirit.

Over the years, I tried different strategies. I flew back to Switzerland on several occasions, but only once could my wife join me. Japan did throw us a bone, though: the Emperor’s Birthday on December 23rd. It was almost perfect – a national holiday right before Christmas, making up for being deprived of the real thing. But then the Emperor abdicated, and poof, the holiday vanished. His son’s birthday is in February. February! That’s like moving Halloween to April.

So what’s the plan this year? I’m using leftover paid holidays, combining them with Japan's year-end break, and heading to my in-laws in Nagano with my wife – who now freelances and is gloriously free of office chains.

We might even get a white Christmas. Nagano delivered last year, so fingers crossed. And if not? There will be food. Imported, overpriced festive food…, but that’s finger-lickin’ good enough for me.