A TALE OF 2 ORDERLY NATIONS - Part 3

🗻 Mountains: A Matter of Ownership and Space

• Sure, the Swiss Alps are world-famous, but here's a surprising fact: Switzerland only owns 14% of them. But in true Swiss efficiency, that 14% covers 60% of the country, which really drives home how compact Switzerland actually is.

• Say "Japanese mountains", and Mt. Fuji immediately jumps to mind, although the gloriously symmetrical volcano is by no means the only peak in the land – it just happens to be the most iconic one of them all. A staggering 70-80% of the country is mountainous, which might explain why a third of the population is crammed into Greater Tokyo.

Switzerland's strategy? "Own just enough peaks to make it your whole identity."

Japan's philosophy? "Too many mountains? Fine, we’ll just build vertically."

🍣 Food: Cheese Cult vs. Culinary Precision

• Switzerland’s national diet consists of 50% cheese and 50% chocolate (percentages may be approximate), and a strong belief that anything else is merely decorative. The Swiss take their fondue ceremonies seriously – if you drop your bread in the pot, expect a public shaming ritual that may involve singing or doing dishes – or paying for the next round of drinks. Meanwhile, Swiss chocolate is so rich, smooth, and life-changing that once you taste it, you might reevaluate all past dessert choices.

• Japan, on the other hand, is a precision-driven culinary paradise, where sushi chefs train for decades, ensuring every bite is artfully crafted perfection. Raw fish? An elegant delicacy. And then there's fugu - chefs must obtain a licence, which requires years of training, rigorous exams, and the ability to remove the toxic parts without contaminating the edible flesh. Only state-licenced professionals are allowed to prepare and serve blowfish, ensuring that diners can enjoy their meal without an impromptu trip to the afterlife.

Japan has mastered raw fish consumption, while Switzerland thinks sushi is a vaguely suspicious concept. Unless consumed in a tram, in which case it serves as a culinary tourist attraction.

🎭 Cultural Expressions

• The Swiss have mastered the fine art of neutrality, delivering statements that are precise, emotionless, and free of controversy. Their version of enthusiasm? A mildly approving nod. Their idea of conflict resolution? Avoiding conflict entirely. Even in heated debates, expect calm, measured responses. If a Swiss person raises an eyebrow, you’ve pushed things too far.

• Japan, on the other hand, approaches politeness as an Olympic sport, layering gestures, bows, and indirect phrasing into a beautifully complex social dance. A disagreement might be expressed as “That is a little difficult”, which roughly translates to “Absolutely not, but I will make this sound as gentle as humanly possible.”

Switzerland handles politeness like a business transaction – professionally, efficiently, and with quiet dignity. Japan treats politeness as an art form, bowing rituals, apologies for non-existent problems, and customer service so gracious that you may accidentally confess your life story to the cashier.

📜 Rules & Bureaucracy

• Switzerland has rules for EVERYTHING – some make sense, others feel like they were created by an extremely diligent medieval accountant who never stopped updating them. You must register your lawnmower noise, follow specific recycling laws that require a PhD to understand, and if you attempt spontaneity in public, expect raised eyebrows and a polite, yet firm, reprimand.

• Japan has bureaucracy for EVERYTHING. Want to open a bank account? Prepare to sign 12 forms, stamp them with your personal seal (because handwritten signatures are far too unreliable), and, as a foreigner, write a 10-page essay explaining your reasons for wanting an account in the first place.

Either way, both countries ensure that no task is completed without the sacred ritual of administrative suffering.

Efficiency is king – spontaneity politely discouraged.