BOOZE AND DON'TS

Summer has kicked off in earnest, temperatures are soaring, and hydration has become a competitive sport. Health experts are telling us to drink lots of fluids, so naturally, many of us are reaching for ice-cold beverages – some of which may contain more alcohol than hydration, but they, it's the thought that counts, right?

As I sit here with a frosty glass by my side (non-alcoholic, I swear – after all, it's still morning), I find myself reflecting on the wildly different drinking habits of the countries I've lived in.

So, grab your glass, fasten your seatbelt (or barstool), and join me on a whirlwind tour of three nations where the drinks flow like national pride: Switzerland, Japan, and the UK. It's a global booze cruise – no passport required, just a strong liver and a sense of humour.

Switzerland: Precision Drinking

Drinking Motto: “We drink, but with fiscal responsibility and alpine efficiency.”

The Swiss drink like they do everything else: quietly, competently, and with excellent timekeeping.

The country produces around one million hectolitres of wine each year, which translates into roughly 14 million bottles. That's enough wine go give every Swiss citizen a bottle... and still have a few million left over for emergencies. But don't expect to find it on the shelf of your local supermarket outside of the Alpine nation. Only 1% of local production is exported. Clearly, they're keeping the good stuff for themselves. A little bit selfish? Perhaps. But then, why give it away when there is not even enough to meet domestic demand? That's why Switzerland imports twice as much as it produces. It may not come as a surprise that Switzerland ranks among the top 5 nations in wine consumption per capita, just behind France and Italy.

Beer is popular and is brewed in big domestic breweries with a strong local brand, although nowadays they are being owned by the likes of Carlsberg and Heineken.

Public drunkenness is rare. If someone’s stumbling, they’re probably just adjusting to the altitude.

The Swiss don’t do “shots.” They do “measured sips of artisanal schnapps while discussing tax policy.”

Drinking ages are 16 for wine and beer, 18 for spirits. But at home? Let's just say the line between "school project" and "wine-tasting tutorial" gets fuzzy. What happens in your home stays in your home.

Japan: The Art of Polite Intoxication

Drinking Motto: “Work hard, drink harder, bow politely.”

After-work drinks (so-called "nomikai") are practically a corporate ritual. You haven’t truly bonded with your boss until you’ve seen him sing karaoke with one shoe on and a tie as a headband.

Pouring your own drink? Unthinkable. That's like clapping for yourself. No, no – you pour for others, they pour for you, and everyone bows like they're passing a sacred scroll.

Beer reigns supreme, but highballs (whisky and soda) are the drink of choice for salarymen, samurai ghosts, and confused tourists thinking they ordered sparkling water.

Public drunkenness is tolerated as long as you're not loud. You can pass out on a train bench and still be more dignified than anyone at a British stag party.

And then there's all-you-can-drink plans. For one set price, you get 90 minutes or two hours to absolutely obliterate your dignity with unlimited booze. The reasons these plans exist is probably because you can only legally start drinking at the age of 20, much later than the Swiss, so it's an elegant way to catch up without bankrupting anyone. Ironically, adulthood starts already at 18, but apparently your liver doesn't get the memo until two years later.

United Kingdom: Where Booze is a Birthright

Drinking Motto: “If you're not drinking, are you even British?”

The pub is a sacred institution. It’s where people go to celebrate, mourn, flirt, fight, and occasionally remember to eat.

Rounds are a social contract. If you skip your round, you’ll be exiled to the Isle of Shame (or worse, made to drink warm lager).

The British are professionals. They can go from “sober and charming” to “singing Wonderwall on a table” in 3.2 pints.

Binge drinking is basically a national sport. No coats, no fear, and an undying belief that chips at 2 a.m. cure all emotional wounds.

Hangovers are treated with a cup of tea, regret, and a full English breakfast large enough to resuscitate a Victorian ghost.

In the UK, you need to be 18 to legally purchase alcohol in pubs, bars, and shops. But that doesn't mean that if you're under 18, you cannot consume it in a licenced establishment - and as long as an adult is present. And in the privacy of your home, children as young as 5 can legally drink alcohol under parental supervision. Yes, really! So, kids can practice from an early age – but preferably not on a school night

And while the iconic Aperol Spritz has finally caught on in Japan and is (relatively) widely available now, the rest of the world seems to already have moved on to Tinto de Verano, which is quietly claiming the throne as this year’s reigning summer refresher...

Now if you'll excuse me, I need to go pour another glass of water, in anticipation of an Aperol Spritz at the end of the day. Or a Tinto de Verano. Or both.