A TALE OF 2 ORDERLY NATIONS - Part 5

🐶 Animal Priorities

• Switzerland worships cows, and their right to roam fields freely is practically sacred. Swiss cows are local celebrities; annual cow parades celebrate their return from summer grazing, complete with bells, flower crowns, and more enthusiasm than most human festivals receive. And if the cowbells in the field next to your house keep you up all night? Tough luck. They are an important part of Switzerland's traditional culture, and a majority of the residents will be willing to defend that. Respect the cows – they rule the land.

• Japan, on the other hand, has elevated tiny dogs and cats to imperial status. These pets don't walk – they are wheeled around in luxury strollers like miniature emperors surveying their kingdom. Outfits are mandatory. If a dog is dressed in a full samurai outfit, don't question it – this is just the natural progression of society. And should you dare to believe that a pet is merely an animal? Prepare to be publicly corrected. Pamper the pets – they rule our homes, hearts, and fashion industry.

🛍️ Retail Realities

• Walking into a Swiss shop is an event – if you enter, you’ve made a choice, and that choice will be acknowledged. Store employees may not rush to assist, but they WILL notice you, mentally logging your presence like a security camera with emotional intelligence. Leaving too quickly is suspicious. If you walk in, glance around, and exit within 30 seconds, expect mild judgment – not openly expressed, but felt in the air. Employees will casually glance at you, silently wondering why you abandoned your mission so abruptly. If you browse for a while and don’t buy anything, that’s fine – but don’t expect a cheerful farewell. Swiss store etiquette is business-like, efficient, and quietly observant.

• Japan, however, has a different strategy – as soon as you step inside, expect enthusiastic greetings from multiple employees, all saying "Irasshaimase!" (Welcome!) with a level of enthusiasm that makes you feel like a celebrity entering a gala event. But this greeting is purely ceremonial. Nobody will pressure you to buy anything or even acknowledge your presence beyond the initial greeting – they will simply ensure that you feel officially welcomed, even if you are just here to stare at things for five minutes.

  Leaving without buying anything? Absolutely acceptable. Japanese store staff won’t judge you, but they WILL bid you farewell with equal vocal intensity, ensuring your exit is as grand as your arrival. Welcome to the country where the customer is still king.

💨 Sneezing in Public

• In Switzerland, sneezing is a normal bodily function and treated like a minor inconvenience, acknowledged with a casual "Gesundheit", which is essentially society's way of saying, "Bless you, carry on with life." No drama, no judgement – just an efficient, polite nod to your temporary loss of control. You could probably sneeze mid-job interview, and it would barely register as an event. If anything, people might briefly hope that your immune system is holding up.

• In Japan, sneezing is a disruption to the collective atmosphere. If you sneeze "too loudly", expect people to glance up as if you've just knocked over a sacred shrine. You will not get a blessing, but scandalised glances instead, silently accusing you of not keeping your bodily functions under control. Ideally, you should train yourself to execute a "completely silent sneeze", which – if mastered – is considered a societal achievement. The truly elite sneezer doesn't suppress it completely (which is risky for your health), but instead redirects it into a whisper-like exhale, as if trying to trick physics.

Swiss sneezing rules: "Bless you, carry on with life."

Japanese sneezing rules: "Your actions have disrupted the harmony." So, if you ever feel a sneeze coming on in Japan, choose wisely. Your reputation may depend on it.

🍜 Slurp Like a Champion

• Swiss soup etiquette is controlled, neat, and structured – silent sipping, careful spoon placement, and no unnecessary noise. Slurping is outright rude and will offend your hosts, your co-eaters, or even the whole universe.

• Japanese ramen etiquette? SLURP IT LIKE YOUR LIFE DEPENDS ON IT. If you don’t slurp, are you even enjoying it? Silence while eating noodles in Japan is borderline suspicious behaviour.

Swiss soup philosophy: "Consume quietly and with dignity."

Japanese ramen philosophy: "More slurping = more respect for the dish."

Two countries: One runs on silent efficiency and judges your slurping. The other embraces ceremonial enthusiasm and frowns on your sneeze.